At this moment…

…it would be very easy to just give up. My personality won’t let me do it though.

I think maybe I am not cut out for this teaching gig. But I know in my heart that God wants me to teach my children and that they were given to me for this reason. One of the reasons we began homeschooling was because of our lack of time with Kristopher. It’s hard to teach very much when you only see them for a couple of hours each day and often those are full of other people an activities. So, I feel like this is what I have to do. But this week is making me feel terrible! I am having so much trouble teaching Taylor. I don’t think it’s her either, I think I am the problem. I teach something and then I expect it to have been learned. The trouble is that I am not good with repetition. I can’t stand it and that is much of teaching a young child to read and do math… I don’t like to do the same thing over and over. Even on the days she does great (and she is doing so much better this year) I think, “why can’t you just read it?” That’s awful!

The other thing frustrating me this week is Kristopher’s lack of trying. He is usually just fine with school and tries hard and I enjoy doing all his lessons with him, but now he is trying to sneak around and not finish work and is just not listening. It’s making me crazy. I have nothing left to take away (I feel like) and I for sure don’t want to give anything for this behavior. And then there’s the fact that Kameron and Kyler get less of my time when I’m trying to teach and that often times they are distracting to the others.

I know all homeschooling families (probably, hopefully) deal with the same things…I just feel like maybe I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I guess I just need to suck it up and keep going. I’m just worn out already and trying to come up with new things to get people to cooperate is not high on my wishlist of things to do. I know I’m being selfish, but I also am sad that I don’t have time to sew and make things or organize my house or go to a store with 2 kids instead of 4, and on and on… I really am happy with what I do most of the time and I feel it’s better than the alternative, but man I’m tired right now. I really wish I could just get a little break sometimes! I have heard of places that have schools that meet 2 days a week and the other 3 days the families homeschool. This sounds like the perfect thing for me. Alas, there is not a school like that here.

So, probably just whining, which I don’t like to do, but I just don’t have anyone to talk to today. So, there you go. Hopefully things will get better again soon.

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One Response to At this moment…

  1. allison says:

    I know I am just now seeing this, but wanted to encourage you. Tabitha, you just had a baby. Your body and your family is still adjusting. When I had school and new babies, then I had to make a mental adjustment to have a more relaxed school schedule than normal (keeping in mind that it is just for a season). My kids seemed to instinctively always know when I was more tired because of new baby, and tried to get away with my lack of vigilance. For my sanity, I had to give myself a break. I think you are doing wonderfully. When my babies were little, we did spend more time on the couch snuggling and reading on some days. Some days, I let my older kids make their own lunches (and messes in the kitchen). And I wasn’t kidding about you calling me sometimes let your kids have a playdate over here while you go to the store (or even just walk around the sewing shop for a few minutes) :)

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