Uncle John S.

My Uncle passed away Tuesday afternoon. I’ve been having trouble coming up with words. I haven’t seen him in a long time, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I did see him. I think it was at brunch at a restaurant and I’m pretty sure Kameron was born, but maybe not… That is really sad to me (and probably downright awful to you, but you don’t know the story and probably never will) and is probably the thing that is hurting most right now. Lots of probablys there.

Here are a couple of pictures from several years ago of my Uncle John:

Here is a link to his obituary if you are interested.

John was a great guy. The best uncle. He always cut my hair and made it look good. He always made me feel welcome and made me feel better. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a bit when I was in highschool and he was helpful to me during that time. I had my 16th birthday party at their house. I was in their wedding, June 18, 1993. Kody and I married at their house in 2001. Until about 4 years ago we saw them quite a bit and our lives were intertwined…

I guess I feel like I can’t grieve at all, because I feel like I have no right to. I haven’t seen him in 4 years so what right do I have to even feel sad, but I do. I feel loss. I also feel like there are some people I need to see. Other people I haven’t seen in years. We get busy and don’t have enough money for extra things and sometimes just don’t want to go and always want the safest route possible through life. Excuses. But those things still are there.

I will miss knowing he’s there. I will miss that he’s not there for my aunt and cousin. I will miss that there isn’t another chance for me to see him on earth. I am glad that he’s not suffering and that all days will be good days now. I’m praying for my aunt and cousin, because I know of nothing else to do.

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